Sticking with the subject of letters, I considered sharing a “scary letter” that I sent via certified email, several weeks ago. I’d HOPED that I MIGHT get a response, even just a pat acknowledgement of receipt but alas . . . It was only a few weeks ago and the recipient lives in California so I’m going to wait on that reveal.
Instead, I’ll share a letter that I wrote to Anderson Cooper over a year ago. My favorite exchange regarding this particular letter occurred with our regular mail carrier, Brad one Monday afternoon. I’d asked him how he was, how his weekend had been. He told me about some projects he’d done, a bathroom remodel, I believe. I complemented him on his productivity and he responded with: “Well I didn’t write a letter to Anderson Cooper”
Here’s the letter:
Dear Mr. Cooper,
Thank you for writing and for sharing The Rainbow Comes and Goes. I just finished listening to you and your extraordinary mother read the audiobook and feel compelled to reach out. I am sorry for your incalculable loss; including, of course, the loss of your mother. Words cannot express the pain and so I will not try.
Although I am impressed with all that you have accomplished, it is my humble opinion that this is your greatest achievement. Congratulations! Not only on a beautifully written memoir; but most importantly, on a truly exceptional relationship with your mother. A sincere, honest and loving relationship with each of my children has been my primary goal since I was young and, myself, in desperate need of parenting.
To say that I have a complicated relationship with my mother and father is a vast understatement. Thankfully, I was blessed with my grandfather (I call him Papa) whom I admire and to whom I had been writing daily for several months prior to his untimely death. Papa died on August 15th, 2021 after a short but valiant battle with Covid Pneumonia in Clearwater, Florida.
Papa was 102 years old. On the surface, it seems a simple story of the latest variant picking off the most vulnerable in a geographic hotspot. Mine is a sordid family story of abuse, manipulation and greed. As you are well aware, this comes with a healthy helping of shame and sadness.
Writing to my grandfather, a beautiful soul who loved me completely, has been illuminating. Your beautifully honest email conversation with your mother, the famous Gloria Vanderbilt, is remarkably similar to the lifelong relationship that I have been so fortunate to have with my grandfather. When Papa died, I was forced to acknowledge an important truth: My father is dangerous.
In the wake of Papa’s death I have begun writing my own memoir and it has helped me to process otherwise overwhelming grief. As you and your mother have both discovered and expressed, it is impossible to understand the wrongs others have done to you without examining the wrongs you, yourself, have done to others.
This self-examination has led to terrible anxiety; tallying up each misstep along the winding road that my loved ones and I have, in many ways, only just begun to travel. Your stunning truth-telling has assuaged much of my fear. It seems that your incomprehensible loss has forged an intuitive kinship between you and your brilliantly blessed mother. Your courageous words have encouraged and assured me that I am; and will continue to be a worthy mother a to my exquisitely unique family. For this, I thank the both of you from the depths of my beautiful and tortured soul.
Sincerely,
*carpe diem*
Collecting Pieces of Me 