I am sitting at the kitchen table while my, VERY soon to be, 16-year-old mixes his own birthday cake. Earlier, my, soon to be 13-year-old decorated her store-bought cake and helped me to shape hamburger patties for her birthday dinner. It is INCREDIBLE, how independent they’ve become.
This is always an emotional time of year – wait! I’m not kidding anyone who actually KNOWS me! – I’m an EMOTIONAL PERSON; EVERY time of year is emotional for me!!! Their birthday’s typically have me reminiscing about my pregnancies, about our life during these times of transition, about the things that I did JUST before my world changed FOREVER . . . and then, again . . . FOREVER.
When we were expecting each of these beings, especially our first, the thought of holding ourselves responsible for ANYTHING, let alone living, impressionable creatures, was both awe-inspiring and overwhelming. Considering all that we would, inevitably, experience over the next several decades as parents, we invested in a bottle of good, quality red wine. And then another, when we were expecting our second almost EXACTLY three years later. Our intention was (AND IS!) to drink the wine on their eighteenth birthday, to celebrate that we’d gotten this being to legal adulthood without screwing them up too badly.
BIG birthdays this year: 16 and 13!! To commemorate them, I pulled out the cases that we store the wine bottles in. The kids asked about the wine, we all wonder if it will be any good when we finally open it. It’ll only be 2 years now before my son will be 18! That will pass in, what will seem like, the blink of an eye. I’m sure of it because the last 16 years have passed so fast, I’ve gotten whip lash!
Over the years, I’ve written letters to the each kid. For example, my son has a letter, stuffed into his wine box, that I wrote him as he started kindergarten. I wrote my daughter as she started preschool. The invitation, above, was tucked, one each, into their boxes. Their birthday party, three years ago, was at a swimming pool and it remains one of my happiest memories. Our families were together, the kids were anxious and excited, but mostly happy and having fun.
My favorite moment from this beautiful night was THIS:
First of all, there are few things that make me smile bigger and put my body at ease like the glow of a swimming pool on a humid summer evening. I’d asked one of the Aunties to stock the pool with several rolls of coins that the kids and I had picked up at the bank the day before when they expressed concern over having so many friends in one place and not quite knowing how to interact with all of them at once.
As the sun set and dozens of kids of all ages filed through the gate, I relished watching my sister-in-law take pride in her very important job of stocking the pool with shiny new coins. I remember watching the coins glitter as they fell to the bottom of the pool.
Moments later, my back turned, attending to soda and cups for thirsty swimmers, I felt uneasy. “It’s too quiet!” As a former life guard and a seasoned mother, there are many things that you expect to hear at a swimming pool. When children are present, silence is NOT one of those things. I walked toward the pool and began to assess the reasons for my unease.
As soon as I reached the edge of the pool, I began to laugh. There were – I counted – more than twenty kids present and NOT one of them with their head above the water. They were all searching for the treasure that Aunt Mimi had strategically planted; half-dollars in the the 12 feet, quarters in the 5, dimes in the shallow area, pennies on the steps.
Every kid had a reason to get in the water and everyone was having fun – phew:-) My sister was instrumental in keeping me from stressing about the small stuff. My husband, the father of our children, and our brother-in-law kept the kids entertained by challenging each other to “the biggest splash contest” and my other sister-in-law, the most judicious of us all, scored the diving and distributed prizes.
As difficult as it is to let go of the babies that I love so dearly, the beings that that entered our lives many, many years ago, I relish the many wonderful memories and their ADORABLE lil faces. I’ve begun, over the last year or so, to see them more as people and less as children. Isn’t it interesting. When you consider life, ideally, a long and beautiful life, full of family and fun. Considering my grandfather’s beautiful and challenging 102 years on this earth, as an example. He was a parent, a father, for 18-25 years, or so. And then he was a mentor, a confidant, a cheerleader, a support for 75+ years. The amount of time that you interact with your children AS A PARENT – if you are cultivating a healthy, functioning family – is, in the grand scheme of things, quite small.
Happy birthday to my beautiful beings, I love you very much! xoxxo
*carpe diem*
Collecting Pieces of Me 